This online Journal was created to chronicle the adult breastfeeding aspect of my marriage to my dearest love from the beginning.
Prelude to Day 1:
11:00pm: DH suckled each side for about 3 min. He tasted sweetness on both sides, which has happened since our honeymoon on and off.
Thoughts and feelings:
I can't believe that we want the same thing. So cautiously hopeful for our breastfeeding future. I can hardly contain my excitement and can't talk about anything else.
Day 1:
6:20am: DH suckled each side for 3 minutes, tasted sweetness and estimates that I produced one drop of fluid.
9:30am: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. Attempted to hand express. No fluid
12:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. Attempted to hand express. No fluid
4:00pm: DH suckled both breast for 2 min, tasted sweetness and estimates that I produced one drop of fluid.
11:00pm: DH suckled each breast for 3 minutes, tasted sweetness and estimates that I produced one drop of fluid. DH became extremetly aroused and made love.
Thoughts and feelings:
I noticed tonight that being sucked makes me hungry for my husband. I have had difficulty performing oral sex due to a traumatic history. I give oral whenever my husband requests it, but its usually followed by very inconvenient emotional consequences so he doesn't request it often. I had absolutely no problem sucking him on Day 1.
Day 2:
6:20am: DH suckled each side for 3 minutes, tasted sweetness and estimates that I produced one drop of fluid.
9:30am: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. No fluid
12:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. No fluid
3:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. No fluid
6:30pm: Missed feeding
9:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about 5 min. No fluid
11:00pm: Missed feeding.
Thoughts and feelings:
I notice that if I don't nursed, my breasts become very tender and sensitive. They ache for my husband's mouth. Husband seems unengaged in the process today. I feel like I'm forcing him into something. I decided not to bring it up again and let him lead or let him drop it.
Day 3:
6:20: DH didn't want to feed this morning.
7:15am: I went to work and Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. Moisture from both breasts. Yellow clear liquid.
9:30am: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. No fluid
12:30pm: Husband met me for lunch with a pillow and a blanket. I breastfed him in the car. DH got his first "squirt" from my breast.
3:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. No fluid
6:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. Moisture for each breast.
9:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. No fluid
12:30am: DH suckled one side for 10 minutes. Then climbed on top of me with one of biggest erections he's ever given me and came inside me. He proceded to nurse from the other breast for 10 minutes. 1 drop for each breast.
Thoughts and feelings:
Today was a hard day. I started out feeling like I had pressured DH into the breastfeeding lifestyle and resolved to let it go. But then he texted me that he wanted me for lunch. He has asked me to express my desires since we've been married but I've been unable to. I happily and gratefully give him anything he asks for (or takes) in our marriage bed. He is the kindest person I've ever met and he has never done anything but honor me. But, I still fear that if I'm too much trouble he won't want me anymore. I try my best to never be any trouble. Tonight we read an article about the levels of lactation and we discovered that I am at level 4, where my breasts hurt when a feeding is missed. He asked me if a feeding was missed what would I do? I indicated that I wouldn't ask and risk him suckling when he didn't want to. He reminded me that we hadn't had a feeding that evening. He told me that he wanted to feed but refused to until I asked him to. He also said that this lifestyle might be really good for us because, if we're going to be successful, I'll have to communicate what I need. It took me about 10 minutes to build up the courage and I cried when I asked. But I did tell him that I needed to nurse and that my breasts were aching. Then the 12:30 session happened...wow! My appetite for my husband after feeding him is unbelievable...so unlike me. I can hardly keep my mouth off of him. Also, I ordered my pump today.
Day 4:
6:20am: DH suckled each side for 5 minutes. He describes getting a chalky somewhat solid substance (which we learned is milk fat) followed by 3 healthy squirts from one breast and 1 squirt from the other. He also showed me the biggest erection I've ever seen. I was not permitted to touch it because he said it was too hard and was painful. I didn't know that could happen. I wanted to relieve him, but DH sent me to work with a kiss.
9:30am: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. 1 drop of fluid.
12:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. 2 drops of clear yellow fluid from on breast, 1 drop from the other.
3:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. No fluid
6:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. No fluid
9:30pm: Manually stimulated each breast for 5 minutes each. Moisture from each side.
12:30am: DH suckled Left breast for 5 minutes, 1 squirt. Right breast for 5 minutes, 3 squirts. Left breast for 5 minutes, 3 squirts.
Thoughts and feelings:
I notice that thinking about my husband makes my breasts ache. Some of the initial excitement has worn off and now I feel like I'm settling in. This is what we do now. He's on my breasts at night and in the morning. I have a stretch of 4 days off coming up and he's off for the first two. We'll be together for 2 solid days and can breastfeed every 2 hours together. By the time he goes back to work on days 3 and 4, my pump should be in and I'll be able to keep the schedule. DH and I work opposite shifts so on days when we both work, we only see each other between 11pm and 6:20am. I'm really hoping that we can get a good flow established in these four days so pumping will be more effective when we resume our schedules. I know its optimistic but that's what I'm hoping for.
